It was an interesting message..."Dear Kristina, I was gifted your book, All Was Love, the day after my mom's passing. It changed my outlook. I live in Sedona. May we chat over coffee sometime?"
What a lovely request. I didn't know Cat well. I had seen her on Facebook a while back and friended her because I just felt in her energy that she was kind, beautiful inside and out, and spiritually awakened. She just felt like a kindred spirit to me. I had seen many of her posts over the past few months about her mom going through the dying process. Cat was very devoted to her mother and was very open about sharing their times together. It was a joy to see her so involved in her mother's life right through to the very last day that her mom was physically present on Earth. I joyfully accepted the invitation and somehow knew that having the chance to sit with Cat and hear whatever she wanted to share would touch me deeply.
The book that I had recently published, All Was Love, made its way to Cat through her neighbors that she is close with. They had come to the local book signing party that the artist, Trea Christopher Grey and I, along with our graphic designer for All Was Love, Kimall Christensen, had thrown to launch our book collaboration. A gift book that helps people deal with death, dying and grief. These neighbors had purchased a book to give to Cat, knowing that her mother would make her transition soon and the book would be helpful to her. They were right. The time did come soon and the book helped Cat have a higher experience of her mom being released from her physical body. This is what Cat had invited me over for. To express her gratitude for creating the book and tell me about the experience she had with her mother on the last day of her mother's earthly life. It went like this...
Cat had a dream the morning of the Fourth of July. Her father came to her in the dream. He said, "Alpha Charlie X-ray, clear. Ready for takeoff." Her father had been an airplane pilot and Cat somehow knew this meant that her mother's soul would be taking flight, starting that day. Cat bolted upright and thought, "Not today Dad. It's your anniversary!' Her parents were married on the fourth of July, and celebrated by throwing a party every year. He had been gone now, fifteen years, and her mom had been fading in this last year. Sure enough, the caregiver called Cat and told her to come, as her mother's physical symptoms were changing. Cat rushed right over. She, along with her two sisters, took on all full care for the next four days. They were fully present with their mom and allowed her to die as she wished...fully conscious of the experience. Very little medication was given. At one point her mother took Cat's son's hand and told him, "My time is up honey, thank you for coming to Sedona. I remember when you first came in this house at nine months old, I love you." She spoke with grandchildren, old friends and other family members. She had a beautiful day.
As the next three days passed, their mother would describe her experiences and Cat would never forget these precious moments."It was like attending a birth, more than observing a death. Watching a loved one transition from one experience of being to another." Her mother expressed that she felt like she was "Moving through water. It wasn't bad, just different." She shared as well, that at times her mother would see herself as an old woman, but at the same time she would see herself as a young girl. She could also see her daughters as old women and at the same time, see them as toddlers. She had let Cat know that she was not afraid. She expressed, "You are going to come here to the house and I won't be here. Are you okay with that? I will miss you, but I also won't miss you because I won't be here."
Cat let her daughter, who lives in another state, know on the phone that it was time. Her daughter asked Cat to give her grandma a message."Please stroke her hand and kiss her for me. Tell her how much she means to me and how proud I am to come from her. Tell her I will carry her with me always, and if I have a little girl, she will wear turquoise, and I will call her Jane in your honor." Cat read her mom the texted message and got a slight soft smile and a raised eyebrow from her. Cat brushed her mother's hair and held her hand, and told her what a great Mom and Grandma she was, and how grateful she was for her. Cat thanked her for being their mom. She whispered "My pleasure." And those were her last words to Cat. She couldn't help but feel that those words came as much from the soul leaving this physical realm, as much as from the heart and personality of Cat's mother. What a lovely thing to be able to say while making such a peaceful exit..."My pleasure."
That afternoon the monsoons came. Cat and her sisters opened the windows so their mother could smell the rain. They sang songs and chanted. They sat quietly and sent their mother loving energy. The divine feminine holding sacred space for a beloved woman. They continued their vigil into the evening, stroking her hands and hair, talking to her, chanting, singing. Cat told her mother that "Dad was right in front of her in a white dinner jacket, take his hand for one last dance..."
As the sun set, a doe walked up to the house and stood in the driveway a while and stared into the house right where Cat's mother sat, making her transition. A hummingbird flew up to the window in the living room, right next to where her mother was sitting and hovered for a while, looking in. Evening was washing over the house and bats were flying to and fro shortly after her mother took final breathes. Then a hawk flew by.
Deer is the symbol for gentleness. Hummingbird, the symbol for joy. Bat is rebirth. Hawk is the messenger. Cat said that after reading All Was Love, she understood fully that he mother had taken flight into a new beginning. Cat was not sad, she was excited for her mother.
Cat ended her story to me with this contemplation..."Perhaps this is spiritual midwifery. Perhaps we held open the door for the angelic realm to enter . She was resting for the last part of her journey. We would medicate her only if she was in distress, we simply held presence, and in the early morning hours it seemed her soul had gone. I felt her heart pause, I gave a gasp, and she returned for 30 minutes. Then for the last time she took a breath and slipped away. We bathed her and dressed her, and put locks of our hair in her pockets with my dad's handkerchief. I kissed her cheek and put a rose on her chest. As the first light dawned, she was taken down the driveway to the funeral home. I texted my children "Oh sweethearts, I am so sorry. Carry her forward, she is in you, she is free." Later that morning, as I was meditating, I felt a soft touch on my left shoulder and saw twinkling white lights like fireflies...I knew it was her. I knew she was still alive in some way. I knew that she was just pure love... and so it is."
There is more to this story. Cat's story becomes my story that I will share someday. The transformation that happened within me, standing in the kitchen with Cat, having my favorite kind of tea and speaking very clearly of what I know to be true about this life. Speaking things that were inspiring, even to me as I was speaking them. Speaking things that will be life changing for others and will even help make powerful changes in this world. I felt truly honored to have shared time with Cat and hear the wonderful story of her mother's passing through the veils and, as well, have the opportunity to be heard from deep within myself. I feel even more honored that All Was Love is helping so many people and I get to be right in the middle of all of these beautiful stories.
I walked out of Cat's mother's home and my life was forever changed. I knew that I was no longer just me, who I have always known myself to be. I knew that I would always be taken care of, be provided for in ways that I can barely even imagine fully. I knew that I had an important purpose to help many others and I knew in every cell of my being that I would. I knew that I was no longer the job title I had given myself many years ago, "Personal Assistant." I would now be in service to others in a new way. A way that goes beyond time and space and so much mental, physical and emotional effort. I knew that all I have ever wanted to be and do was now possible and was happening right before my own inner eye.
I wish I could say more but that is all that can be said right now. Stay tuned though...it is just the beginning. :)