ALL WAS LOVE

There are experiences in life that end up taking us places that we could have never imagined for ourselves. This creation of this book, ALL WAS LOVE, has become a journey that has taken me on paths that could not have happened otherwise. It all began over twenty years ago, on a warm fall day in rural Michigan. If you have read ALL WAS LOVE, this story will make it even more meaningful to you. If you have not, what I share with you, I hope at the very least, will open your heart to embracing more of life's miracles and LOVE.

 

September 16, 1996, I was living on a beautiful farm in Michigan that my boyfriend at the time, owned. Over 200 acres of rolling hills, woods, a river and quality farmland.  It was a very powerful time in my life, full of great personal and spiritual awakening. I meditated and journaled daily. I was wide open to what the Universe presented to me on many levels.

 

I stood in the kitchen of the very old farmhouse, watching out the window as leaves were turning to soft amber colors. Squirrels were running fanatically across the yard, gathering nuts. Life felt lovely in each moment until in an instant, everything seemed to jump to another reality.

 

My boyfriend came over to me with tears in his eyes from a phone call he had received. He had been informed that his eighteen-year-old cousin, Tammy, that had just graduated high school that year, had not survived an accident and had died. I found myself in shock that something like that could happen so close to someone I cared about deeply. I had never met Tammy personally, but I knew that everyone in my boyfriend's family adored her.

 

The tragic account of three young cousins having a good time, not really thinking things through, drinking, driving and rolling a jeep over on a sharp curve, spilled from his lips wet with tears that were full of shock and grief. The story went on about how an older cousin was driving the jeep that Tammy's brother owned. Somehow the brother and cousin had survived the bad accident. The families of both children were not only distraught from the loss of Tammy, but Tammy's parents were very angry at the older cousin for driving when he had been drinking and now the two families, the mother of Tammy and her brother Randy, and the sister to her, the mother of the cousin, Robert, that was driving, were at odds and enraged while dealing with this tragedy.

 

After comforting my boyfriend with hugs and kind expressions, I found myself having a strong desire to go outside and sit in the sun. I had always called the farm that we lived on, "Heaven's Gate."  It was an almost surreal looking place with so many different kinds of stunning flowers, big old trees and peaceful spots to just look out at the world from and be contemplative. As I sat down on the back porch, I wondered what memories Tammy had had there. My boyfriend had bought the farm from his grandparents, which were also her grandparents. I was just sitting there on the back porch steps, quietly, so quietly, and that is when I felt her. 

 

My face was bathing in the sun. The air felt full of life somehow. Something was moving. All around me there was so much good energy. I felt heightened in my senses, open and peaceful. It was in this peace that I felt her fully. I have no idea how I know this, but to this day so many years later, I know this clearly, like I know my very own name. She was just energy. Light and high. She was in the trees and on the ground and part of the flowers. Somehow she spoke to me, in energy, not words, but I understood exactly what she was saying, and why. I didn't really understand her with my mind. I understood her with all of my being. Every cell of me absorbed her communication in a way that overwhelmed me and I began to weep. My physical, emotional and spiritual hearts just blew right open and in a miraculous instant, I understood about life and death and love and God.

 

Her energy kept moving around and through me and I knew that as a writer I had to try to put onto paper what I was understanding. It was hard to stand up, as I felt like I was in a dream. Everything felt fluid somehow. I don't consciously remember getting a pen and paper from inside the house, I just remember knowing that I needed them and then having them in my hands. I walked back outside, sat down and an interpretation of what Tammy was experiencing flowed out of me as a poem. It came to me from this place that Tammy was in. The place of pure consciousness. Not only did the poem ALL WAS LOVE come, but the understanding of the big picture and what was important to her was clear to me.

She wanted her family not to fight about or be in despair over the loss of her, but to let their hearts be full and forgiving. Because in the big scheme of things, LOVE is all there is and God is LOVE and there is no need to waste any moment's thought on anything less. In effect, she expressed what the "dying" experience was like and there was nothing to fear.  That when you die, you just transition out of your body, back into the consciousness of being one with everything. I was in awe because not only was I understanding her, it felt as if my whole being was experiencing what she was experiencing...I was one with everything and in those moments, knew nothing but LOVE.

 

When I felt more back into my body, I went back into the house and read the poem to my boyfriend and he cried. He was not a person who was very comfortable with emotions so we didn't speak much about it. A few weeks later he told me that the older cousin, Robert, who had been driving the while intoxicated, as well as Tammy's brother Randy, may have to go to jail for their part in the negligence that caused her death. A warrant had been issued for her brother Randy because he was the owner of the vehicle and he let his cousin Robert drive it while intoxicated. Instantly, I felt such compassion for the two cousins and I was completely aware that Tammy did not want them to suffer. Not the suffering from a court case or possible jail time or the current inner suffering they were experiencing. I felt intensely compelled to write to the court on her behalf and try to state things in a way that would help them. I did write that letter and I don't know if it helped,but I do know that Randy didn't go to prison. I do not know what happened with Robert. 

 

The story goes on and on, right up to this very moment. My experience with Tammy, when her soul made its transition, truly helped shape my life. I became a Hospice volunteer, as I no longer had any fear of death, and I wanted to help others go through their "dying" experience in a peaceful way. I became a better mother, knowing that if I just focused on LOVE, my son would have everything he needed. Even as a single parent, I could raise him to be a good man in the world. I started a bachelor's degree with Death and Dying as my minor and Human Services as my major. I became a better writer with a special ability to write about people's lives in a way that moved and inspired others.

 

Then one day it came to me that I could turn the poem into a gift book that could help those suffering from the loss of a loved one or in the dying process themselves...and this is what I, along with Trea and Kimall have done. I have held onto this experience with Tammy until I could find the perfect kindred spirits to contribute the artwork and book design in a way that would invite people from any walk of life to embrace the words and know that there is no death. There is only transition. That each soul has a beautifully transformative experience and none of them want us to have even one moment of concern. That everything in life is LOVE and if you can live your life from that knowing now, instead of just realizing it when you die, your whole life can change. It can be a joyful life that makes a difference and a life truly worth living. A life any soul could be content to leave behind.